shaners

im a loser baby so why dont you kill me

2001-12-11T18:44:25Z

hey kids...sooo ummm i dont update anymore

ummmm things to let you know

when im at home...im not happy

when im with you i am

its almost been a month for you people keepin track...thats right ive been seeing the same girl for nearly a month hehe its not long i know but im fuckin stoked nonetheless...you know you thought it wouldnt last

kristyn and tyler cruised the converge show last night

i wish i coulda saw planes mistaken 4 stars cause they fuckin rock yo

christmas is depressing i wanna get people things but i cant really plus kristyns bday grrrrr i wanna do something cool but most of the time cool=money...ill figure something out

if you gots ideas talk to me dont post em dorkface! she'll read em

scars show is on thursday i think...might go $6 plus 5 buck drink fee...thats alot of money to see your friends band

plus sat that show will rock...troy borns last show =( taken will not be the same

grrr i hate shows cause they cost money

something tells me i should get a job

i fucing suck

ps...my mom called me a son of a bitch...again!!!

she needs to go into a coma...that would be nice

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-22T19:50:00

2001-11-23T04:05:35Z

Name: Shane michael bernard downey yo
Birthday: july 28 1985
where do you sleep: i alternate between the gross leather couch and the king size bed hehe
how many hours do you think you spend on the internet a week? not to many considering i dont have internet access
What kinda music are you into: emo, screamo, and rock are a must...anything can rock
favorite band:cave in
any drugs: no way
smoke: nope
drink: gross
striaght edge or ever was : of course...by the way if youre not now you never were
ever been in a fight: kinda
favoriate show:ptw at showcase cXn at halloween a bunch of others
when and what was your first show: eighteen visions, idle hands, wrench, taken, nemirah @ chain about two years ago
favorite person: kristyn
funniest person: jd dan and dave
most shy: kristyn i think
prettiest: kristyn
most confident: not me
most humble: dunno
what do you want to be when you grow up: a boy and stufff...cuttin and stylin and dying and whatnot
what is your biggest goal in life: being happy
what is your dream: to become a rock star and be on TRL
do you have a girl friend or boy friend: that i do...she so sweet i just wanna lick her all up and down
do you want children: yea
do you want to get married: very much so
do you like hats: sometimes
want is your worst fear: im scared of alot most bieng emotions
where do you shop: where all the cool kids do
one night stands: no thanx
do you like clubs: never been though ive heard oh so much about club beat it...its the new scenester thing to do so i better go...ding ding ding scene points
do you like to laugh: of course
do you like to smile: helll ya but youre smile makes me sick
what makes you happy:lip rings noises/ kristyn/ my friends/ music/ lots of stuff
what makes you sad: ignorant dumb bitches roadkill other sad people things in pain
who do you hate: such harsh words....hmmmm satan and your mom except kristyns she is cool
are you happy at this moment... why or why not: hell ya cause im talkin to kristyn
work: hopefully the gap
do you have tattoos: soon my friend
any holes in your face: haha yea and other places too
what is your favoaite animal: penguins
wear shoes full or earthworms or a hat filled with spiders: the shoes
rather people told you you were ugly or stupid 3 times a day: stupid cause by them saying that it proves that theyre the stupid one
do you wear p.js: nope

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-22T15:19:00

2001-11-22T23:27:54Z

after a long while i have decided not to live a vegan lifestyle any longer it has become a burden on my family due to finnacial troubles and i often found my mother buying me food that she thought was vegan that wasnt and just watching that food that she spent money on sit and go to waste this just happened to me right now with my aunt and i cant do it anymore

please dont judge me by this decision for it was very hard and i gave put lots of thought into it

i still very much believe in animal rights and will remain a very strict vegitarian and will most likely be eating vegan 90% of the time anywayz

i would like to resume a vegan diet once i am completely on my own supporting myself

veganism is still extremely important to me and i feel like crying right now and those of you who know me well would know that i do not want to do this

I often times found myself with nothing to eat whether it was at a friends house or at a restraunt and its just too much i need to eat cause afterall im a growing boy

i know ill prolly get crap for this but i know whats in my heart i was 100% vegan for almost two years

so if anyone wants to talk shit who is vegan lets just see how long you last

i <3 you

i <3 animals

=(

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-19T10:13:00

2001-11-19T18:26:42Z

this weekend was absoloutely amazing

on friday randy jacob nick tyler bryan dave me and some random cute asian girl went to nickle nickle hehe

and it was way fun!!! hehe all though there air hockey game is a lil screwed up haha =P

on sat me and randy hung out *high five* we went to knotts for like 2 hours cause my grandpa got us in free cause hes a veteran and stuff...my mom had this special pass because of her back and she gave it to me and we would just go in the exit and get on the ride hehe it was awsome

after that we met some kids at woodbridge del and it was strange cause that random cute asian girl was there again what the heck

and some of us went off to see juliana theory

it was a rockin show welll almost all the other bands pretty much sucked but let me tell you juliana theory freekin rocked...just like the way everything flowed so well together it was awsome

itll prolly be the last time i'll be able to see them w/o them getting radio airplay or on MTV or something considering they just got signed to epic records the same label as limp bizquik for gods sake hehe

anywayz they rocked and they played my 2 fav songs for there encore songs which was awsome

and the whole show i was accomponied by the cute asian girl...i think i have a crush on her or something...who knows maybe she does too hehe =)

after the show tyler nick bryan ursula daviekins me and that girl i think her name was kristyn watched the meteor showers which was beautiful considering i had never seen a shooting star then i saw like 50 in like ten minutes it was freekin awsome...only bad thing its was brrrrr cold...but thats what girls are for?...right hehe

kristyn got me a lil surprise too hehe it was the sweetest thing ever...she pulled it off oh so smoothly hehe...incognito

<3

on sunday i went to my daddys and worked and stuff haha and let me tell you he put me to work i had to crawl in the attic and pull wires and stuff...fun fun hehe i felt like i was in army training or something

but then i got some new shoes!!! yay

i got navy blue percells...they rock

i wanted baby blue but they didnt have em in my size besides dark blue is more neutral...hehe at least more than purple

i want baby blue sauconys hehe =)

ummm i think thats about it

I heart ... you know who you are (theres alot of you)

<3

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-16T10:16:00

2001-11-16T18:41:11Z

Full Name - Shane Michael Bernard Downey
Birthday - 7/28/85
Location - irvine, orange county, california, usa.
Zodiac sign - Leo
Nicknames - shaners?
Height - 5' 11
Eye color - green
Hair Color - black
Right, Left, or Ambidextrous - right
DO YOU ...
Have a BF/GF- ya shes a cute asian girl hehe
Have a best friend(s)- not really
Have a crush - on my girlfriend, yes.
Talk to your crush regularly - uhhuh
Watch TV or listen to radio more - tv but i barely watch it except movies
Know what time it is - 10:20
Got a homepage? - nope
Have a pager - nope
Have a cell phone - negative im not that cool
Type LiKe ThIs - negative

WHICH ONE...
Pepsi or Coke - coke
Cordless or wire -cordless
Square or circle - circle
Rain or sun - rain
Dark or bright - dark
Left or right - right
Right or wrong - I try and do what?s right, but it always ends up being wrong.

HAVE YOU EVER?
Walked in the rain - helll ya
Talked on phone all night -i do regularly
Stayed online all night - haha ya
Done drugs - besides tobacco and alchohol no
Drank alcohol - umm ya
Gone a day w/out eating - hehe ya
Thought about suicide - who hasnt
Made prank calls - yes hehe
Been in true love - negative
Slept all day-ya but its no good
Been out of the country - mexico
Toilet-papered someone's house - hell yeah
Broken into someone's house - ya

PRESENTLY...
What are you doing - filling out this survey
What are you wearing - jeans and stuff
r sad - fairly happy. ummm happy
nely or content - content cause i got a hot N sexy girlfriend and stuff
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...
Took a shower - like 2 hours ago
Had a serious conversation - last nite i guess
said i love you and meant it - all the time
Said "I'm going to kill you" and laughed about it - haha ya im militant hehe j/k
Went to the mall - like a week ago
WHAT IS YOUR...
Most embarrassing moment - i dunno honestly
Most cherished possession - my penis
Fave color - baby blue
Fave holiday - i dont really have one
least fave holiday - ummmm
Fave saying(s) - go get aids have an acid flashback and die!!! hehehe
Fave time of day - sunset
Fave song(s)? - umm theres too many
fav shop - ummm thrift stores and stuff
Fave time of year - winter
Fave place to chill - koos dland main street
Fave subject in school - this class all i do is surf the net
Least fave subject in school - this class it gets boring
RANDOM BITS...
*Kissed someone: uhhuh
so drunk you blacked out: negative
Cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend: no way!!!

*Kept a secret from everyone: i dunno
*Set a body part on fire: my hair
*Had an imaginary friend: no
*Called or seen a psychic: haha no
cried at a chick flick: not like full on cried but i have shed tears
*Had a crush on a teacher: i dont think so
*Found a cartoon character attractive: i dont think so
*Ever at anytime owned a New Kids on the block tape: nope

*Watched Punky Brewster: i used to watch it all the time
*Eaten a whole box of cookies and thought you were fat after - that i have
*Been on stage: yeah its crazy

*Gotten in a car accident: i guess..with randy once

YOU...
*Wear eye shadow: i have...but not ragularly
*Have a dog: ya
*Have any regrets: only one
*Who do you go to for advice: ussually kristyn sometimes randy but he is bas alot jd i helpfull too
*Who knows all your secrets? prolly randy
*Who do you cry with: myself my mommy sometimes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN...
*God/Devil: yes one is evil but you can decide which one
*Yourself: sometimes
*Aliens: nope
*Love: ya
*Destiny: very much
*Signs: ya
*The Closet Monster: negative

someone for everyone? yes well i think you everyone will find someone eventually

kristyn is my girlfriend now incase you guys didnt notice shes one sexy momma

<3

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-15T10:32:00

2001-11-15T18:31:15Z

another thing thanx to such feature films as the edge of quarrel and grimlock songs called the pain game matt brad dan and i are gonna be militant and i guess randy too and maybe nick but hes too nice but hes fucking tough

to all you druggies go die

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-15T10:28:00

2001-11-15T18:28:28Z

hello

things have been goin pretty good for me lately im stayin at my dads for the rest of the week just because

its nice to live a normal life once again

like with a phone and stuff hehe they are usefull machines esspecially to call cute asian chicks with nice asses haha

things with kristyn are going really well i can just be myself around her and i can tell her anything without getting critisized

another recent thing is ive decided not to be the nicest person in the world anymore not that im gonna be like an asshole now im just gonna stick up for myself

the nicer you are the more you get stepped on

lata kids

<3 shaners

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-13T10:45:00

2001-11-13T18:46:38Z

hey kids this weekend was pretty exciting hehe i havnt had one of those in a while

but ya it was way fun

thanks to dj for promising me a ride home then ditching me hehe =)

and thanx to xcgx for givin me a ride home high five to my one south county friend haha

damn straight me a kristyn look cute together cause we're fucking sexy kids

tyler you need to get working on those flavored body rings that would make up some good times hehe...its all about lip rings haha

ive never kissed a girl with her toungue peirced haha

did i mention im getting my nipples pierced =P

lata sweet cheeks

<3

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-09T10:20:00

2001-11-09T18:30:28Z

hey kids

things havn't been so great at home i got kicked out yesterday then my mom begged me to come back wtf

my mom tried to commit suicide lastnite but i stopped her

now shes mad cause i flushed all her pills down the toilet

fuck her

things will get better this morning they were ok nothing oo special though she was still yelling alot and whatnot

ummm tonites show is gonna be fun hopefully lots of cool kids will be there but im sure there will be people i would rather not see which isnt christie cause i actully wouldnt mind seeing her i still care about her and i still love her

we both fucked up i know that and we both caused alot of fucking drama and it was no fun but its over so hopefully somehow we can move on we may have given up on "us" but hopefully we'll still have our friendship

i have never told anyone to not like her in fact i have found myself defending her in several cases but it dosnt even matter anymore

this weekend is hopefully gonna be fun i'll prolly hangout with my daddy sat and work for him so i can get some money and then disneyland sunday and knotts with my family on monday and i can take someone i dunno who though i think i found pics of me and randy at knotts it took me by surprise i dont remember that i think it was last veterans day i dunno we go every year

as far as "kristyn and I" there is nothing to fuss about all i know for sure is that i love that girl and care about her oh so much

but as for now im just just gonna take a break i know the drama wont dissapear but his will help

and christie i want you to know that i love you and i want to be your friend cause thats all i really need right now i know ive hurt you and im sorry...we both have been hurt and now im left with no one to heal the wounds

but I will move on and im sure you allready are

hugs

<3 shaners

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-07T10:38:00

2001-11-07T18:35:52Z

you know what is funny i know of 3 close friends of mine and they all want kristyn haha its good stuff

tata

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-07T10:19:00

2001-11-07T18:34:24Z

you guys are soooo funny

this is good stuff...dont I feel special

look christie is an ohk gal

but when someone tells you they dont go out with boyz you should know youre wasting your time

and as far as everyone thinking me and kristyn are "together" i dunno all i know is that i still catch myself thinking about christie and what i coulda done differently so im obviously not over it but im almost there

im taking a break from girlz maybe after a month or so if everything is still the same then i'll give kristyn a shot

her and I have an amazing friendship and i dont want to screw that up at all... i talked to a new friend of mine named rose and thats what she suggested just to take a break and if the feelings still remain after a month then to go for it...I think thats good advice so im gonna take it

my homelife isnt that great right now my mom and I are constantly fighting and my hope for a better relationship between us is wilting away

im in desperate need of a job I found myself eating ritz crackers with vegan lunchmeat it wasnt exactly the most satisfying meal

our new place has one bedroom and one bathroom which is allready turning into a problem but theres not much i can do i try to avoid home as much as possible these days

Turns out not that many people liked christie that much...that jut being the people ive told that everything was over and everyone ive talked to is pushing me to go for kristyn but like i said i need a break and i need to get completely over christie cause i'll be compltely honest im not

people warned me and i didnt think i knew what she was like from the begining but i was too naive...but i shall move on

i will move on

i know she never wanted to hurt me but she did and continued too and she wouldnt have changed she wasnt willing i wasnt worth it ... but thats ohk i know i id wrong things too but whatever theres nothing i can do now and theres nothing i could have done to make her say what she really felt i know that night she just wanted to be friends but she denied it she left it all up to me haha it was hard but i knew she didnt want anything so even if i would have said to continue nothing would have changed at all

she didnt know what she wanted she never did

she didnt have the answers

shes confused and needs friends right now

dont we all

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-05T10:55:00

2001-11-05T18:57:57Z

i just read the top ten signs of suicide ...

I have 8 of those qualities but one that stuck out was wanting to make ammends and thats something ive really wanted to do with people

since the begining of summer ive been dating girls from one to the other

kris (we dont talk ever)
andrea (hates me)
angelina (too busy to evr hang out)
hayley (thinks im an asshole im told)
christie (oh man)

and now kristyn who knows what will happen with that i honestly just think i need a break im tired of getting screwed over it dosnt feel nice

by the way im officially south county...will it make me prettier

thats all girls care about anywayz

ive had an urge to talk to andrea but i know she'll never want to talk to me again

whatever

lata kids

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-05T10:49:00

2001-11-05T18:47:38Z

i feel sick

would you care if i died?

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-05T10:09:00

2001-11-05T18:10:58Z

hello kids

ummmm christie and I are no more

as much as she wants to deny it she just wanted to be friends it makes me sick that she couldnt have just told me that herself but she didnt want it to go anywhere and she knows that and i figured it all out

she pushed me away

i was unwanted

shes a coward

bye bye

xocnerdx @ 2001-11-01T14:47:00

2001-11-01T22:54:11Z

halloween was ohk nuthin too exciting

i wish christie coulda come but its ohk hopefully we will see eachother this weekend me spending the night would be very cool of course

i want to talk to her but my mom is bien mean and stuff and were starting to move today and stuff so im really busy

i think im goin to cave in tommarow this girl named alex i dont know her too well which might make me a lil uncomfotable but she seems like a cool chica and her sister is going too which is funny because she used to have some huge crush on me even though weve never spoken once

ok bye bye kids
bye kids

xocnerdx @ 2001-10-31T16:24:00

2001-11-01T00:14:53Z

im feeling really lonely right now

sometimes i feel like i just want someone to hold but no 1 is here

after readin christie lj i cant help but think im wasting my time...but the last thing i want to do is give up but weve dating for a little while now it seems like its at zero once again...

am I wasting my time irronically only time will tell...i need to talk to her but i cant right now

bye bye

xocnerdx @ 2001-10-30T23:20:00

2001-10-31T07:28:41Z

i should get some sleep i dont think christie is calling back and im too scared to call her now cause it is late...she didnt call back lastnite either ohwell im sure its not her fault

lata kids

whats best right now

2001-10-31T07:01:48Z

something so right, seems like an opportunity that cannot be passes. Your heart is screaming...YES. Your head is clouded. My vision is clouded very easily by the time spent. Time only brings about more pain. The antithesis to why the opportunity was presented. Saved by your absense. Redemtion by loneliness. Solace in seclusion. Wouldn't it be easy? Redemtion by loneliness. Wouldn't it be easy right now? Too little time, too many things too find. What seems like the best right now may not be forever.

the wise words of MR Ray Harkins

xocnerdx @ 2001-10-29T22:56:00

2001-10-30T07:07:34Z

i never called things off with christie

we are still "dating"

i love her

we are happy with the way things are right now we are i going to move on and attempt to make things work

peace out kids

ps sorry for any previous bitterness

but i am no longer goning to be really detailed in these entrys cause if you really wanted to know you would ask...how about you start with "hows it goin" i like that phrase ya start with that one

goodbye

xocnerdx @ 2001-10-29T10:50:00

2001-10-29T18:48:03Z

VOLLYBALL FUCKING SUCKS!

fuck you

2001-10-28T22:08:34Z

fuck you and fuck live journal ok

if you give a shit about my life then fucking talk to me ok? sounds fair enough to me

now i can see who really cares

everyone else can fucking burn

"I believe that we're afraid of one another" - saetia

2001-10-26T06:28:46Z

hey kids im feelin kinda lonely right now and bored too

not too much is goin on

im hanging out with pepes tommarow not christie though but thats ohk ill have fun and im sure christie will too hehe

la la la

i wanna hang out with karin that would be really cool i miss that girl she always seems to put me in a good mood lately unlike some other people these days

im starting to realize that if this cchristie thing dosnt work it wont be the end of the world just hopefully if it comes to that we'll still be friends but only time will tell bnut ya im tired of trying so hard so im leaving it all up to her at this point she was sad today but there was nothing i could do considering she didnt even know why

it would be so much easier if we could see eachother but dosnt look like thats gonna happen this weekend. but ill be chillin with kristyn on friday and karin on sat at the show so thatll be cool cause im lonely and girls are just good listeneners and stuff im always in need of female attention hehe soooo um ya thats prolly i hang out with krystin hehe she makes me feel special hehe christie does sometimes but half the time she makes me feel every other emotion there is soooo ummmm ya

quote of the day: "it's better to be stepped on than left all alone!"

im outa here kids

xoxo

shaners

its getting tougher to say the right things (unbroken is good)

2001-10-25T16:52:33Z

hey kids sorry for no update in a while theres alot of stuff i could say but im gonna keep it short today

christie and I have had lots of ups and downs lately i love that girl so much and you people dont even understand how much i want this to workout

shes scared of boyz hehe but hopefully she'lll realize im nothing to be scared off

i basically put my heart out on the table yesterday so we'l see whwat happens

zao was allright nothing to special there wasnt to many people there so it was kinda lame

i have 6 dollars to my name which is lame cause i should have more but i think my mom stole it i dunno im going to hxc halloween somehow theres no way im missing that all the fun bands in the scene are playing...it just sux that litterally no1 is going and its not just like a normal show its the freekin halloween show ohwell im gonna have fun

i hung out with nick and randy lastntite which was fun we went to wheel and chad from taken was there it was funny but anywayz it was damn yummy

i think i might work for my dad on sat to get some money so i can eat and stuff cause honestly besides housing im supporting myself right now but my dad will really put me to work and i know that and i dont wanna be tired at the show we'll see

my mom is getting another surgery in june or july...blah

she filed for disablity but we wont get it for like 3 weeks or something it really really sucks...we have no income right now at all

i need a job bad!!!

im gonna go to the driving school place today and get all the details cause thats something i really need to take care of

my mom got food stamps i dunno why but im like ashamed to say that we shouldnt be living like this but i know its not my fault its just really not fair sometimes...ive been thru worse i can deal with it

ok im getting bitter im gonna go now

blah

thought of the day:
I <333 christie

la dee freekin da

2001-10-23T19:54:41Z

hello

im at home and i didnt go to school today cause my had a doctors appointment and she said i ahd to pack anyways well we start moving today soooo um ya i havnt even seen the damn place yet ohwell...its on the border of irvine and lake forest but im moving farther from the people that mean the most to me (christie kristyn randy) on the upside i think ill be closer to dave and definitely closer to karin

anyways me and christie talked for a good while lastnite and as of right now things are going good looks like the next time we will se eachother will be sat which is of course ok by me but i wish it could be sooner

i dont know what im doing friday so if anyone wants to hang out let me know

im not going to zao tonite mainly cause all the people i love arent going so i dont think it would be that fun plus its freekin 12 dollars!!! whats up wit that ohwell

if anyone wants to go see dashboard at chain on thanksgiving with me please let me know soon!!! cause i dont want it to sellout but i dont wanna buy a tik and hav no1 to go with

looks like im going to poison the well now which is cool but i really wish throwdown wasnt playing ohwell

hey everyone check this board out and pass it around to all our friends its good times kinda reminds me of the old carpe diem guestbook

http://disc.server.com/Indices/171998.html

ummm i should be packing

i miss christie blah!!!

i think im gonna be an omdb skull guy for hc halloween if anyone had ideas let me know

attention dave!!! do you still have the crab suit that i wore when you guys played with matoe cause i wanna wear it to your halloween show

late kids

love you all

XOXOXO

ummm this sux

2001-10-23T19:28:19Z

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Moderate
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

but i read the antisocial thing and it said it had nothing to do with poor social skills its about stealing and lying alot and i do neither so i guess that why its low anyways im like high on everything else which is lame hehe

bye bye kids